Fanning the flame - part 3

(scroll down to read parts 1 and 2)

I was a bit torn by all these messages. I really needed money. That was the issue. But I also knew that God clearly spoke into my heart that I was NOT to take the job when it was offered. I remember standing in my apartment and debating back and forth because "I need money". The best way I can describe it was like a wave washed over my mind, reminding me of all the stories in the Bible of people disobeying God. They were tempted by anxiety, greed, doubt. And even though God TOLD them what to do or what was to come, they trusted in themselves and made one foolish decision that affected many. God is sovereign, yes, and I rest in this. I am thankful for the flood of these reminders because it was followed up by an intense and healthy fear to not disobey. All of this occurred in about 3 seconds. I immediately got online and quickly wrote to the health care agency "Thank you for contacting me. But I am no longer interested." Send!!
Whew. As soon as I sent it, I was overcome with peace.

In the months to come, people sent me checks in the mail or gave me money face to face. They invited me to eat and I never was without. God took care of my finances. Of course He did.

So the flame for children was still flickering. (yes, I am still laying the foundation here. It's a bit long, but it was a long process of waiting). Hang in there with me.

Now we are in November 2009. And it gets even better.

I was with a friend and I corrected her on something and I expected a defensive response from her. But instead, she immediately apologized and thanked me for correcting her!! Wow, so God really used that to convict me that I am not usually accepting of critique. But why not? Don't I want to be sanctified?! So I was praying that I will really desire to be sharpened by others and to be humble....


Two weeks later, my mom called me to say that she really felt that the Lord wanted me to hear something. (This is not something my mom usually says). My first response (sinful) in my head was 'Oh great' --- good grief! What is it about kids not receiving wisdom from their parents!! Immediately the Spirit convicted me and gave me a desire to hear what my mom wanted to say. If it is from GOD, let's hear it!!

She went on to point out in John 17 that Jesus gave glory to God by accomplishing the work He set out for Jesus to do... Mom felt I really needed to hear that - but because God is NOT finished with me and to give me a hope.. to perhaps change my thinking regarding getting a job... to really pray that God will place me where I can continue with the work He has given me to do - to be a **voice for children at risk, to show compassion, to spur others on. As Mom was speaking, I started crying (which I don't typically do - unless it is about Nigeria or as a confirmation that God is speaking).

** Over the previous year, various people at different times would use the phrase "You're a voice" for the children.. the orphans... Nigeria....


The next morning I read the context around John 17 and John 16 about blew me off of my couch. Paraphrase... Jesus said " There is much more I want to tell you, but you cannot bear it now. I will leave, but the Holy Spirit will be here to declare to you all truth. He has been given authority from the Father to declare to you. Anything my Father says, the Spirit will declare to you."

Ahhh - Praise the Lord! THREE times Jesus said "He will declare to you"... I was at such peace, knowing that I can trust Him to speak to me and that I will hear His voice. The sheep know the voice of their Shepherd.

The next day I got an email that just blew me away.

To be continued.