(scroll down to read parts 1 and 2)
I was a bit torn by all these messages. I really needed money. That was the issue. But I also knew that God clearly spoke into my heart that I was NOT to take the job when it was offered. I remember standing in my apartment and debating back and forth because "I need money". The best way I can describe it was like a wave washed over my mind, reminding me of all the stories in the Bible of people disobeying God. They were tempted by anxiety, greed, doubt. And even though God TOLD them what to do or what was to come, they trusted in themselves and made one foolish decision that affected many. God is sovereign, yes, and I rest in this. I am thankful for the flood of these reminders because it was followed up by an intense and healthy fear to not disobey. All of this occurred in about 3 seconds. I immediately got online and quickly wrote to the health care agency "Thank you for contacting me. But I am no longer interested." Send!!
Whew. As soon as I sent it, I was overcome with peace.
In the months to come, people sent me checks in the mail or gave me money face to face. They invited me to eat and I never was without. God took care of my finances. Of course He did.
So the flame for children was still flickering. (yes, I am still laying the foundation here. It's a bit long, but it was a long process of waiting). Hang in there with me.
Now we are in November 2009. And it gets even better.
I was with a friend and I corrected her on something and I expected a defensive response from her. But instead, she immediately apologized and thanked me for correcting her!! Wow, so God really used that to convict me that I am not usually accepting of critique. But why not? Don't I want to be sanctified?! So I was praying that I will really desire to be sharpened by others and to be humble....
Two weeks later, my mom called me to say that she really felt that the Lord wanted me to hear something. (This is not something my mom usually says). My first response (sinful) in my head was 'Oh great' --- good grief! What is it about kids not receiving wisdom from their parents!! Immediately the Spirit convicted me and gave me a desire to hear what my mom wanted to say. If it is from GOD, let's hear it!!
She went on to point out in John 17 that Jesus gave glory to God by accomplishing the work He set out for Jesus to do... Mom felt I really needed to hear that - but because God is NOT finished with me and to give me a hope.. to perhaps change my thinking regarding getting a job... to really pray that God will place me where I can continue with the work He has given me to do - to be a **voice for children at risk, to show compassion, to spur others on. As Mom was speaking, I started crying (which I don't typically do - unless it is about Nigeria or as a confirmation that God is speaking).
** Over the previous year, various people at different times would use the phrase "You're a voice" for the children.. the orphans... Nigeria....
The next morning I read the context around John 17 and John 16 about blew me off of my couch. Paraphrase... Jesus said " There is much more I want to tell you, but you cannot bear it now. I will leave, but the Holy Spirit will be here to declare to you all truth. He has been given authority from the Father to declare to you. Anything my Father says, the Spirit will declare to you."
Ahhh - Praise the Lord! THREE times Jesus said "He will declare to you"... I was at such peace, knowing that I can trust Him to speak to me and that I will hear His voice. The sheep know the voice of their Shepherd.
The next day I got an email that just blew me away.
To be continued.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
Fanning the flame - part 2
(scroll down to read part 1 in my previous post)
In the fall of 2009, as I was seeking to know how to use the passion for hurting children, I started to get anxious about my finances.
I need to back up and say this - in May 2009, when my world as I knew it was falling apart and I was having to make the decision to not return to Nigeria, I received an email from a friend. "Erin, I've always supported the ministry in Nigeria financially, but I have never thought to ask if you need support. Do you need help?"
At that time, my supporters had started to drift away, as expected, because I had been in a holding pattern. "I sure do need help! But it's up to you whether or not you want to send it to SIM to get a tax-deduction or to me personally."
A few days later I got a check in the mail. For $10,000. Yes, $10,000. I did not add an extra zero or two. $10,000. I was shocked. I was stunned. I was sooooo thrilled. And I heard the Lord say, "I will take care of you. Be still".
A few days later, I laid down my 'Isaac', Nigeria, on the altar.
The months that followed are what I referred to in my previous post.
So now back to the fall. Seeking, praying, but getting anxious about my finances. I had stopped receiving support through SIM. The $10,000 had been designated to paying my rent (whew!). I was anxious to not be lazy. Anxious to use the skills of nursing. Anxious to serve children in need. But I was mostly determined to obey. I had learned a lot during the previous months. One thing I learned is not to assume things from or about God. He has His Holy standards and His Word and He will never veer from these. He is God and He does things His way and man cannot always discern His ways. Ok, who am I kidding, we can rarely discern His ways.
I wanted to honor the fact that I had graduated from a great nursing program and could (should?) use nursing as a way to make a living. It was a strange concept, though, because for 4 years, using my nursing skills was a way to bring love to people in Nigeria and had no money attached.
I was searching for nursing jobs in Chicago and none of them blew my skirt up, if you know what I mean. Then I came across one that was for a home health company, to care for elderly patients in their homes. I definitely have a soft spot for our elders (don't get me started on how this current culture is racking up bad points for the lack of respect for our elders. I mean, at least let them go through the door first, people!) ok, that's for another blog, because this one is about children....
Anyways, this job position seemed ok, so I figured I would give it a shot. I went to the interview (on a Thursday morning) and it went really well. Was interviewed by 3 people at the same time. They spent most of the time telling me all about the company and what I could expect. They did ask some key questions and seemed happy with my answers and my resume. At the end of the interview, the director told me the salary, discussed the benefits, looked at her colleagues and then said, "Erin, we think you'll be a good fit. Think about it over the weekend. Let us know if you have any questions. And we'll talk on Monday."
Ok, so they offered me the job, right? Everyone I've told this story to, especially my friends in the corporate world say "Yes, you were offered the job."
I spent the weekend praying about it. It all seemed like a fit. Good money, good location, I could serve the hurting and do a decent job at it. Figured I would accept the job and start a new chapter in life.
Come Monday, though, I received an email from the company saying that they were going to continue interviewing people and would get back to me on Friday. What?!?
The wind was knocked out of me and I went back to the Lord in earnest prayer for two days. I should insert here that I had been praying for a long time that God would help me to hear His Spirit and be quick to obey.
On Wednesday morning, two days later, I was praying about the whole situation and, without a doubt, His Spirit said "They will not call you on Friday like they said they will. But they will call you at some point. And when they call you, do NOT accept the job."
The flame that had been flickering in the midst of indecision and possible changes was once again doused with Holy fuel. His guidance gave me such peace and confidence and assurance that He was listening and He was working.
I called my parents the same day to tell them what He said, to have them as witnesses when it came to pass.
Just as He said, they did not call me on Friday. Or the next Friday, or the next.... Six weeks later they called me. And emailed me. And called me again. And emailed me again. All within 36 hours.
To be continued....
In the fall of 2009, as I was seeking to know how to use the passion for hurting children, I started to get anxious about my finances.
I need to back up and say this - in May 2009, when my world as I knew it was falling apart and I was having to make the decision to not return to Nigeria, I received an email from a friend. "Erin, I've always supported the ministry in Nigeria financially, but I have never thought to ask if you need support. Do you need help?"
At that time, my supporters had started to drift away, as expected, because I had been in a holding pattern. "I sure do need help! But it's up to you whether or not you want to send it to SIM to get a tax-deduction or to me personally."
A few days later I got a check in the mail. For $10,000. Yes, $10,000. I did not add an extra zero or two. $10,000. I was shocked. I was stunned. I was sooooo thrilled. And I heard the Lord say, "I will take care of you. Be still".
A few days later, I laid down my 'Isaac', Nigeria, on the altar.
The months that followed are what I referred to in my previous post.
So now back to the fall. Seeking, praying, but getting anxious about my finances. I had stopped receiving support through SIM. The $10,000 had been designated to paying my rent (whew!). I was anxious to not be lazy. Anxious to use the skills of nursing. Anxious to serve children in need. But I was mostly determined to obey. I had learned a lot during the previous months. One thing I learned is not to assume things from or about God. He has His Holy standards and His Word and He will never veer from these. He is God and He does things His way and man cannot always discern His ways. Ok, who am I kidding, we can rarely discern His ways.
I wanted to honor the fact that I had graduated from a great nursing program and could (should?) use nursing as a way to make a living. It was a strange concept, though, because for 4 years, using my nursing skills was a way to bring love to people in Nigeria and had no money attached.
I was searching for nursing jobs in Chicago and none of them blew my skirt up, if you know what I mean. Then I came across one that was for a home health company, to care for elderly patients in their homes. I definitely have a soft spot for our elders (don't get me started on how this current culture is racking up bad points for the lack of respect for our elders. I mean, at least let them go through the door first, people!) ok, that's for another blog, because this one is about children....
Anyways, this job position seemed ok, so I figured I would give it a shot. I went to the interview (on a Thursday morning) and it went really well. Was interviewed by 3 people at the same time. They spent most of the time telling me all about the company and what I could expect. They did ask some key questions and seemed happy with my answers and my resume. At the end of the interview, the director told me the salary, discussed the benefits, looked at her colleagues and then said, "Erin, we think you'll be a good fit. Think about it over the weekend. Let us know if you have any questions. And we'll talk on Monday."
Ok, so they offered me the job, right? Everyone I've told this story to, especially my friends in the corporate world say "Yes, you were offered the job."
I spent the weekend praying about it. It all seemed like a fit. Good money, good location, I could serve the hurting and do a decent job at it. Figured I would accept the job and start a new chapter in life.
Come Monday, though, I received an email from the company saying that they were going to continue interviewing people and would get back to me on Friday. What?!?
The wind was knocked out of me and I went back to the Lord in earnest prayer for two days. I should insert here that I had been praying for a long time that God would help me to hear His Spirit and be quick to obey.
On Wednesday morning, two days later, I was praying about the whole situation and, without a doubt, His Spirit said "They will not call you on Friday like they said they will. But they will call you at some point. And when they call you, do NOT accept the job."
The flame that had been flickering in the midst of indecision and possible changes was once again doused with Holy fuel. His guidance gave me such peace and confidence and assurance that He was listening and He was working.
I called my parents the same day to tell them what He said, to have them as witnesses when it came to pass.
Just as He said, they did not call me on Friday. Or the next Friday, or the next.... Six weeks later they called me. And emailed me. And called me again. And emailed me again. All within 36 hours.
To be continued....
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